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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I like people... From a distance.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?