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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."