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I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.