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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
The word bed looks like a bed.
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"