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I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.