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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.