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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.