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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.