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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park