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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.