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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Do angry people know about naps?
insert coin to view my status
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.