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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.