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Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
I should come with a warning label.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on