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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?