Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.