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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?