Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....