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I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
i feel naked without my mobile !
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.