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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective