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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.