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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
French people give me the crepes.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.