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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."