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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.