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I put the o in illiterate!
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.