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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!