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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong