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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.