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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Being alive is so expensive.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.