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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.