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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.