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I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.