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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.