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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!