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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I forgot to post this earlier
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.