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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...