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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…