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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!