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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
I wish bedtime was all the time.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.