Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.