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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
My life is based on a true story
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.