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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.