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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.