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"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!