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I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
I think...therefore, I am.....single
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat