Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.