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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
I need more people like me in my life
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.