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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.