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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in