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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops