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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.