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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.