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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.