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Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone