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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!