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There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"