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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.