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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I make a great second impression.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.