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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.